We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
