what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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