It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
