You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
