someone threw a dead crab at me
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
