I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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