Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
of course. lets lasso hookers.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
