she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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