i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
