I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
