hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
