hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
