how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
