I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
