you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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