dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
