ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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