FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
