Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
