i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
