If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
