I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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