So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
