oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
only you would photoshop your dick
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
