I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I will pee on everything he values.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
