Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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