Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
