I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
