It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
