There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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