i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize