apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
