Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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