so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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