Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
