Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize