my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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