"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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