think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
