DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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