Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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