Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
