I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
