And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize