I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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