we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
