ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Sorry about my life...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
