So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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