I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
