hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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