Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
