Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize