Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
