He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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