About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
