So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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