My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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