I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize