We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
