Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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