I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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