College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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